Understanding my Privilege: Reflection
- Tell us how you managed to get where you are in life today: your academic degree, teaching position etc.
When I think about how I have gotten where I am in my life today, I feel almost at a loss for words. The short of it is that I have had the life experiences and received the education that I have due to a web of intersecting privileges and sacrifices made by my parents, particularly my mother. I am deeply privileged in almost every aspect of life: I am a young, White, cis, heterosexual, able-bodied, English-speaking American, and I have never had to question whether or not I was denied something or experienced injustice because of these qualities. I am also not only college-educated, but my family also supported me in every sense of the word when I decided to leave traditional high school and pursue a career in ballet—a notoriously unstable and short career path.
My father struggles with drug and alcohol addiction and I grew up in a single-parent home with my mother who struggled with mental health for many years and we experienced homelessness for a short period of time. That said, however, I never missed a day of school or ballet. I still do not know how, but school tuition was paid, I always had pointe shoes when I needed them, and I never felt as though I had to go without anything. In reflecting on my Whiteness in particular, my privileges do not mean that I have never faced obstacles, but rather they give me security in knowing that those obstacles were not rooted in stereotypes or historic and systemic inequities that have been upheld in the U.S. for centuries.
- What kind of support did you receive? (financial, pastoral, collegial, friendship, family, social networks, etc.)
My mother and maternal grandparents have been a huge source of emotional, financial, and academic support literally my entire life (my mom started looking at quite prestigious preschools in our city while she was still pregnant). I am the first person in my family to attend college and education has always been a priority in our family, as my mom moved around a lot as a child resulting in inconsistent schooling and my dad received poor education due to an abusive home life. Thus, giving their child the best education possible was a real point of pride for my parents. I received my K-9 education at the most prestigious private school in my hometown and this provided a safe, engaging, and supportive environment. It was also a predominantly White, rich, heteronormative, and Christian environment. When I decided to pursue ballet professionally and leave this school to be homeschooled, my mother made the financial decision to use the money she had saved for my college tuition to pay for classes, pointe shoes, and other necessities. This was not a decision she took lightly, but she was unwavering in her support of my goals and that is something that I still feel today.
I also want to mention that I had the privilege of learning from some amazing scholars while getting my B.A. They pushed us to have hard conversations and were steadfast in their support of social justice. They also gave me time and space in their office hours to process class discussions, questions, and talk through my sense of dread when I was first introduced to concepts like white privilege. And that, in and of itself, is a privilege! I did not even know of that term before college. To have the privilege to feel some type of way about my station in life and wrestle with Whiteness is profound. Their keenness and intellect along with the supportive classroom environment that they cultivated was paramount in my development as a person and an academic.
- How equally do you think these support systems are distributed in the society you grew up?
This question was the hardest for me to answer authentically and I feel like my answer is still lacking and in need of deeper self-reflection. Due to the context mentioned above, I did not have all of the support systems and privileges, particularly financial, that my peers did growing up. In more broader U.S. society, however, the support systems that I continue to benefit from are not afforded to everyone. I want to highlight that access to the arts is a luxury and ballet specifically is so steeped in White supremacy that it literally makes news when a Black dancer is promoted or cast in a leading role. My elementary and middle school integrated art and performance into our curriculum and this is something that is most definitely not distributed equally in society. Arts programs are often the first to be cut to save funding and school is often the only time students might be exposed to the arts. - How do you think these support systems shape your story of fighting injustices in the society or in educational contexts?
Something that was particularly poignant in my journey of learning about systemic injustice was a class I took at a local community college where I was introduced to the inaccuracy and harmful nature of the ‘reverse racism’ and ‘colorblindness’ tropes. I was raised in a household where it was understood that reverse racism was legitimate and where being ‘colorblind’ was seen as ideal. I remember a time when, in a conversation on race in America, my Irish-American step-grandfather remarked on how great it was that my entire generation would be colorblind. When this particular class challenged these notions, I wanted to dig deeper and understand why my family members held the beliefs they did and how I could actually be bringing more harm than good into the world by continuing them. This was one of the most impactful moments in my academic life, as it showed me the power and opportunity education has to change and challenge viewpoints.
Wow, Sydney– this line you said really stuck out to me: “In reflecting on my Whiteness in particular, my privileges do not mean that I have never faced obstacles, but rather they give me security in knowing that those obstacles were not rooted in stereotypes or historic and systemic inequities that have been upheld in the U.S. for centuries.” Thank you for putting words to my own feelings so well! (And thanks for sharing so transparently!) This is so accurate and I think it is something that so many White people need to hear, or at least some of the ones in my family circle. They often take offense on social justice topics because they feel like their own difficulties are erased (e.g., growing up poor/working class and struggling to support kids), when that is not the point at all. I really appreciate your reflections on this topic.
Hi Kira! Thank you so much for your comments.
Yes, this is definitely something I have run into with my family. I have often had family members remark that because we were “poor” we weren’t at all privileged, insinuating that privilege is purely based in finances. You make a great point that this can feel like erasure of painful and difficult experiences and can, in turn, lead people to getting defensive or not wanting to engage in the conversation.
Hey Sydney,
What an awesome reflection. I relate to so many things you said, especially about the financial aspect of your upbringing. Even though I lived in a two-income household, I never *really* knew about all the financial decisions my family made on my behalf (and my siblings, but they’re not in this class so they’re not important right now!) I always demanded a distinct financial commitment when I played travel Volleyball, but I never “went without” so I never really questioned it until I was an adult.
Your quote “…access to the arts is a luxury…” distinctly reminds me of interviews with Lin-Manuel Miranda about his interest in theater/Broadway growing up, and how his musicals have played a role in diversifying not only the performing talent on & offstage, but the consumer audience as well. For example, he mentions that the average Broadway audience members are 40 – 50 year-old women with a disposable income of $200,000+… talk about swimming in it!!!
Hi Jada! Thank you so much for your comments and for bringing live theatre into the conversation! Diversity in performers is so important and this, in turn, diversifies the audience. It also breaks down stereotypes about who should or should not be performing. I had the honor of learning under Arthur Mitchell, the first Black principal male dancer with the New York City Ballet, and he was famous for his on-stage partnership with a white woman in 1950s New York. Their partnership broke down not only barriers in the ballet world, but challenged nation-wide social norms. Even to this day it is rare to see an interracial on-stage partnership, at least in ballet.
Wow, I am so enjoying this discussion on dance and theatre and the embedded racial inequities and power relations. I remember when I first came to the States in 2007, the friend I was staying with me took me to see the Wicked in NYC. It was part of her family’s Christmas tradition that they would see a Broadway show every year and she had a spare ticket. She’d told me the tickets are very very expensive and we buy them months in advance. I was curious to see how much those tickets were if we had bought them that day…Like $300 or smt. Coming from Turkey – it’d only been 2-3 days I think – I was SHOCKED.
Thank you Sydney for this sincere reflection. The experiences you shared are often things that we read in textbooks, in terms of how white families deny racism (because they are colorblind) or they come from poor backgrounds. I wonder if you can tell us more about your conversations with your family members. That’s actually one of the questions I get as the instructor of this course from students frustrated with their family’s positions on these issues. This is something that I am very weak in because my dad is a Marxist atheist activist, and that’s certainly one of my privileges that I didn’t need to argue with my parents on any of these issues and that they played a big role in shaping my thinking today.
Very helpful pos. really like the courses you are offering. really interesting, moto x3m
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